As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my vag is so smooth its legendary
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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