I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize