some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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