THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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