You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
