Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
