Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
