I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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