Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
