So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
