i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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