i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
