You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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