Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
