My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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