roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
