I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
