My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
