i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
