My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
