I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
