return my video game
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
