my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
