guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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