Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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