Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
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She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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