please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
