i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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