bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
