He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
