i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
