Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
