There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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