fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I deserve this hangover.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
