I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
