I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
