I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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