Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
