I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
