I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
