I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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