KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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