she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
