I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
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