Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
