I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
