I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Shame is for Republicans.
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