I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
