I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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