On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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