thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is it because I queefed?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm just crazy horny about you
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
