some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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