just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
