i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
