just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.