Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
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