Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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