Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
