theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
