I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just blew my weed a kiss
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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