next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
