Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
