I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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