I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
