Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball