Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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