Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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