So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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